chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize