i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
