Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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