my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
