I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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