I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
