My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
