my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
