My boss' voice literally gives me gas
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
