the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
