Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Is Oprah even human
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
