That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
