I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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