I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
