I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
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