dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
