I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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