I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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