the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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