All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
