SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
