I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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