i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
