I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
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