I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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