Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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