So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
