Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Where is the hickey?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize