we have officially lost it.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
