I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
