Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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