Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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