Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
