Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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