so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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