he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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