Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
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