God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
