True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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