Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
