every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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