i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
