Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
