I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
