i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
