mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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