Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
