they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
