Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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