She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
