we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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