im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
