I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
