I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
