My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I FOUND THE LEGS
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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