i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
