Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
