I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
