that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
