i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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