you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
