i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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