i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Lo siento on account of my penis...
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
