He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
