I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize