I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
