My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
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