Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
