You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
