he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
