Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
