She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
