he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
