So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize