took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
