somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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