i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
