hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
