We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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