You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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