I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
