People with herpes should wear stickers.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
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