just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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