That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
