My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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