WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize