Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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