omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
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